This is Big Mama. She is the guardian of the water spigot in my garden. Gardening has never been my strong suit, not least because, while I find spiders compelling and beautiful in a controlled environment (What? That exists?), in the chaos of their natural habitat THEY COULD BE ANYWHERE. And, usually, they are. Especially the baby ones. While I fully realize the ridiculosity of a grown woman who is so terrified by the sudden appearance of something that tiny that she is compelled to jump and flail around the shrubberies shouting random obscenities and leading the neighbors to conclude that she must suffer from some form of gardening tourettes (poor dear), I'm still completely unhinged by them. I much prefer the relative slowness and predictability of Big Mama, even if I do find her staring a bit unnerving every time I go to water the raspberries.
EDIT: Apparently Big Mama is a boy spider. So, good for him. Since Big Papa might just be the sleazeballest name ever, I am going to call him Bernard.
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